Life has been pretty challenging for me lately. I feel like I haven’t woken up from a bad dream. A few days ago, that bad dream seemed to end. It was not that life changed for me, but my perspective on it did. I realized I have been carrying around this invisible weight that I no longer had to carry.
If you asked me at 10 what life would be like for me at 28, I would have told you I would be married, buying a house, graduating from medical school, and probably starting a family. My life looks NOTHING like that today. In fact, I am divorced, living at home, working on a master’s in counseling, and don’t have any kids. Since the narrative of my life is not what I wanted or expected, I felt like I was losing. I felt like everybody was passing me up and I was behind on some type of made-up life curve.
In pursuit of me trying to be the best me I can be, I lost grace for myself to be who I am at this moment. Nothing has been enough. All of my failures seem to outweigh my successes. Since I was not where I pictured for myself to be, there was no way I was actually succeeding in this thing called life.
I had to ask myself who told me by 28 I should be married with a family and working in my career field already? Who made up these dreams and aspirations for me? This whole time I thought I had some type of control over my life and I realize that God is truly the author of my life and even in uncertain times and circumstances, he has strategically placed me exactly where I am supposed to be and I have not missed one beat.
I am an author, have a business, I am working towards my real dream career, and have plenty of family and friends around me who love and support me.
At this moment I don’t have to be J. Elaine, Rose of Sharon, or any of the other names I have been given or given myself. Before I was all of that, I was Sharon’s daughter and at this moment that is enough for me.
I love hard, I fail sometimes, I never quit, anything I put my hand to succeed, and I am always trying to push those around me to win! I laugh, I cry, I hurt, I bleed, I heal. I am human and I’m real.
~ Sharon’s Daughter 🌹